Mourn and move on

jerryandemThere are a great deal of amazing things happening in my life right now. In March I’ll sign the publishing contract for my book, I’m waiting to hear back about several potential new clients as well as a permanent gig with a company I’m very passionate about. In short, I have no reason to feel sorry for myself. However, sometimes I allow the excitement of it all stress me and the resulting lack of sleep opens the door for doubt to creep in allowing me to forget temporarily how lucky I really am.

A couple weeks ago someone sent me audio files of voice messages from three important people in my life who are no longer with us. I haven’t been able to listen to two of them, but I did finally listen to the third this morning. The person in the sound bit (also pictured as the shadow in the left half of that photo) died of cancer a few months after I left Georgia. I was unable to speak to or visit him prior to his passing. My friend was not yet 40. The recording was from a time before we learned of his disease. In it several of us were making plans to go see an Atlanta Braves game an activity I was lucky enough to enjoy several times with my friend over the years. In fact a couple of the greatest games I ever saw were in his company

After, the recording ended I just sat and sobbed. The huge body wracking, mournful tears of long pent up emotion not just for Jerry but for many recent losses. But, I knew when I hit play what would happen and that I needed it. I knew I needed to remind myself that this amazing man whose silly little quirks had on occasion annoyed me, would never again attend another ballgame. When I went to Facebook to grab that picture of him and his beautiful wife I saw a post by another of his friends commenting on how the world is a darker place without his light.

Stress, frustration, sadness and doubt will always be waiting to creep into our minds when we are most vulnerable. But some of our worst losses are also potential reminders that it’s the good we take away from every encounter that should be what drives us. We cannot change the past, but we can choose our future. Find your comfort in the positive and honor all you’ve lost by squeezing everything you can from every moment. Nothing is promised beyond right now.

The Braves will soon be heading to South Florida for Spring training. I’m sure if Heaven gets Fox Sports South, Jeremiah will be kicked back beverage and snack of choice in hand ready to cheer our beloved team on to whatever season they have in store for us this year. Here is to my friend and my team. May they both continue to remind me of the glorious nature of all our experiences both ups and downs…

 

 

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