First Steps to Reclaiming Your Life After a Breakup

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.” – Helen Keller


Whatever your story you’ve been through an experience that may have made you question many things about yourself including your lovability and your ability to trust and love others. You are reading this because you want to make changes in your life that allow you to feel better and move forward.

Oftentimes the first instinct we have when striving to make change is to do it for someone else or to reach some other extrinsic goal. However, for genuine, long lasting change to take place it has to come from the place of doing it 100% for your own improvement. The first step is to decide and own in your heart that your welfare and happiness comes first above all others. Once you begin both by putting yourself first and subsequently by living authentically there will actually be a more abundant and kinder self available to give.

A great place to start is with the following three steps:

  1. Become mindful
  2. Release the past
  3. Stop procrastinating

The most significant part of change is awareness of the habits and trends that got us here.  What follows are some thought exercises to help you achieve the aforementioned three steps.

  1. Are there ever times current or past where you attempted to change things about yourself because someone said you should or because you thought it would make you more attractive to a mate or employer?
  2. What secondary dialogue are you aware of running around in the back of your mind?
  3. What are some of the negative things you say about yourself and can you think of examples of times when those things weren’t true?
  4. For the next 24 hours I challenge you to carry around a notepad or sound recorder app on your phone and make a note or tick mark every time you say or think about assigning blame or causation to any factor outside yourself. Give a mark to every “He/She/It made me” or “I did this because of someone’s actions or something’s influence”.
  5. What part does blame play in your attitude toward life.
    1. Are there past events you blame for any aspect of your current situation?
    2. Do you see anyone else such as a spouse, parent or employer responsible for any aspect of your life as it is today?